Bang bang...shooting guns

I have a friend on Facebook, N, that I've never met in real life. We're meant to be like best friends though. She is the wife of one of Seth's Army buddies from Ft. Drum. They live in Oregon now and will be at the wedding and that'll be the first time I meet them. I'm super excited!!

Anyways, she posted some pictures on Facebook of her shooting some guns. She was shooting an AK-47 and I commented that I've shot one too. She's a pretty girly girl and so am I, and in the pictures she's squinting, pretty intimidated by the gun and mostly the kick back of it. This is exactly how I do it when I shot too. Seth has a pistol (I don't know what kind other than it's black...haha...) and it has one hell of a kick. It's scary looking. I remember shooting with him the very first time. I was day 2 or 3 after we had met in person and here I was shooting huge guns with him and the guys in his family (his Marine brother, his dad, and his younger brother who loves guns too). Seth would explain to me about the gun before I was getting ready to shoot it, how I really need to hold it tight, and how it will or won't have a huge kick back...and when he says it does have a huge kick back, he's not exaggerating. And then I'll get in "position" and he always stands behind me for the first few times I shoot the gun. He puts his hands on my hips and makes sure I'm steady. He'll help me find the target and aim towards it and then once I know where I'm shooting, he'll remind me to take off the safety and then I'll be ready. It makes me feel extra safe when he does this and I love it. I shot a rifle of some sort (again, I don't know what kind) and he warned me of a huge kickback and that I need to put the butt of the gun (he definitely taught me that term) against my shoulder really tightly. I did it as tight as I could and then slowly pulled the trigger and holy crap that kick back made me do a little yelp and jump. Also a day later, a bruise showed up in the spot where the butt of the gun was. I admit, it made me feel like a little bad ass that I had a bruise from a gun. I proudly showed it off.

One of my favorite parts of going shooting is watching him clean them afterwards at home. There's just something soooo sexy about him cleaning such a powerful weapon and taking such good care of it.

(I chose this one because 1) he hates his picture being taken and 2) therefore it makes it funnier to me and 3) he's still sexy even with his massive and sexy hand covering his face) :)

(The penguin gloves make shooting a pistol totally bad ass).

I can't stop shopping

A week or so ago, Seth was looking online for some running socks. He sent me the link to some he liked that he was looking at on Amazon.com and I asked if he wanted me to buy him some. He said sure, and I got the specifics on what kind he wanted and was allowed for PT. I went to MC Sports, which is a chain and figured I'd have some luck getting running socks. I did find a few pairs that were "no show" which he requested. There were only 3 pairs in the Nike so I got another brand because I knew he'd want more than just 3 pairs. Long story short....turns out they weren't what he wanted, so I said I'd return them and go to another store to look for some. I went to 3 different stores tonight at the mall...Finish Line, Champs and Foot locker...which are all sports/shoe stores that I thought would for sure have some running socks. None of them had "RUNNING SOCKS" which I was instructed to get. So I'm a little annoyed that I can't find any socks that he wants. Who would have thought it was this hard? I think I'm giving up looking in stores and I'll just order him the ones he linked me to on Amazon.com. Then I'll know for sure I'm getting the right thing. Jeez louise!!

On a positive note, I did stop at The Limited and bought a work top. (On another positive note, they were running a 15% off deal for teachers and students, so I saved 15%!) Not that I really needed it but holy crap I have been a shopaholic lately. I don't know why, but I can walk into a store and think I need to purchase 203984029 things. I found like 10 tops/sweaters in the latest Victoria Secret catalog that I want. I added them up and it was $256. I'm going to have to figure that one out...no way in hell am I spending that much. I may or may not have spent that much last weekend anyways. Whooops. Shopping has been really therapeutic lately. I do buy things for Seth though, so it's not all about me.

Friday date night!

Yeah, in my dreams. It's like the perfect temperature outside right now to have the perfect late summer outside date. In my dreams, this is how Seth and I would spend tonight:

We'd drive to the lake shore and walk around the cute little shops and we'd be holding hands and being all in love. We'd stop at the gourmet dog shop and get our dog (that we don't have) some fancy treats. Then we'd walk to Clementine's for dinner and have a nice meal and have a drink after a long week. (Clementine's is where we had lunch after we got engaged). I'd leave the last few bites for him, because I always do. He'd offer and then feed me a bite of his because he's a really good share-er. We'd walk out of there all drunk on love, holding hands again, walking to the pier to watch the sunset over the lake. We'd sit on the pier and dangle our feet into the water and his arm would be around me and my head would be rested on his shoulder. I'd realize it was unsafe for us to dangle our feet in the water and I'd tell him we should stand up because a big wave could get us, and he'd tell me to stop being crazy and to just relax. I'd trust him (and hang on tight...if I'm being swept away, I'm bringing him with me!) and so we'd continue to dangle our feet in the water and we wouldn't talk, we'd be off in our own little worlds, yet together, watching the boats and the sunset. This is the sunset we'd watch together in silence:

Then we'd slowly walk back down the pier and past the other lovers and he'd ask if we should stop and get ice cream. I'd tell him no, we don't need ice cream, and we'd keep walking to the car. (I said this was my dream, so I can turn down ice cream in my dreams if I want to. Real life is different!) We'd get home and we'd watch a movie and have a glass bottle of wine and he'd be running his hands through my hair, which I'm laying on his lap. I'd fall asleep with my head on his lap and he'd finish my wine so we don't waste it. He'd wake me up and tell me it's time for bed. We'd crawl into bed and he'd lay his arm out on my pillow, and I'd roll my head onto it and then tuck my head in his armpit (weird, I know...) and he'd wrap his arm around me and off to sleep we'd go and I'd be glad this didn't get us while we were dangling our feet off the pier:

Maybe next summer my dream will come true.

Mil-Spouse Friday Fill In

So I'm participating in my first ever mil-spouse Friday fill in. I like reading these but just haven't hopped on the blog-wagon for it yet. There's a first time for everything. Here goes...

(I don't know how to get the cute little button on here, so this disclaimer will do for now...)

1. What secret indulgence do you act on while your spouse is away? (from Devil Dog Darling)
   Definitely not shaving my legs. At least all the way...I just shave from my knees down. And also watching mass quantities of reality TV that Seth wouldn't tolerate :)
   
   
2. If you were a spice, what would you be? (from New Girl On Post)
   Cinnamon because it's supposed to speed up your metabolism and that would be great right about now!
   
   
3. Where do you go for support when your significant other is deployed? (from Texas Meets Washington)
   I have a few online girls who know what it's like, and whose husbands are deployed too. I really wish I had some mil spouses in person that I could see and talk to though (the ones I know live in different states). This is the time where I really wish I was on a base somewhere and could be by other people who know what it's like. I rarely talk to my civilian friends about it though because they just don't understand.
   
   
4. What is the oldest thing you own? (from A Troop’s Girl)
   My blankie for sure. :) Seth is going to cringe when he reads this. haha...I was a blankie stealer in pre-school. I'd steal them from my friends. I stole my mom's pillow case when I was pretty young and it's been my blankie ever since. It was from when she was a kid and it's a sweet hideous pink, orange, yellow and green massive flowers.
   
   
5. How did you vision your future pre-military? (from Daddy’s Duty)
   I'll be honest: I never ever EVER envisioned the military in any way shape or form in my life. I always wanted the 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls), white picket fence, husband home each night by 5 and we'd put the kids to bed together. He'd have a fancy day job, and he'd wear a suit and tie. I'd drive a mini-van and he'd have an upper class sedan or SUV. I'd be an elementary school teacher and would spend school breaks with our kids. We'd have a dog and a cat and a big backyard and live on the cul-de-sac with lots of kids in the neighborhood. We'd have regular family vacations and drive across the country and go camping and see and learn about new places. Instead, I've spent the last 2 1/2 years in a long distance relationship, on different continents for 2 of those years, with a 6 to 8.5 hour time difference depending, seeing him only a handful of times per year and still totally madly in love with a SOLDIER. Someone who wears his uniform more than the suit and tie that I always dreamed of (he does love a nice suit and tie though, for the record). Oh how sexy that uniform is though! We have yet to achieve any of the things on my fantasy list above, yet I wouldn't change any of it for all the money in the world.
   

Something's up...

And I don't know exactly what it is. Yesterday was my turn to call Seth and have our Wednesday talk, and I called and called and called. I call around 10:15 pm his time and he didn't answer (turns out he was asleep and never heard his phone). I waited a few minutes in between calls, thinking he was just busy and couldn't answer it. We have like an unspoken agreement on phone calls...I'll call multiple times if he doesn't answer the first time, and vice versa. It's just easier that way because I can rely on him to call me back if I miss a call (which is really rare) and I don't have to wait a few minutes for my calling card to connect, when he's calling me back at the same time, then having to hang up both calls and starting over. Anyways, I haven't gotten an email from him in the last 2 days and we didn't talk on gmail at all yesterday and only talked for a few minutes today. He warned me he was in a "foul mood" today and said it was better if I didn't ask why. I asked him if I could call him tonight because we didn't get to talk yesterday and he said I could, but I could tell he was still in his foul mood and wasn't in the mood to talk. We only talked for 6 minutes and then I let him get back to bed. It was a weird call and kind of got me a little worried about him.

I have 2 suspicions which I won't mention on here because 1) they are only suspicions and 2) I know he wouldn't like me to put what I'm thinking on here. So I'll keep them to myself. Of course, I hope I'm wrong on both, but I really don't know what it is.

So Loveykins, if you read this, know that I'll listen when you want to talk and I love you. xxoo

My flowers got a friend a date with her husband!

So the flowers that Seth sent me on Friday randomly? The really pretty ones that people came to admire and smell? These ones right here:

Well, they've gotten my dear friend and co-worker, S, a date with her husband! She told me she went home last Friday and was telling (hinting, perhaps) her husband that Seth sent me flowers just because. Being the smart man that he is, he's planned a surprise date for her tonight. He arranged for the babysitter, he's made the plans and he's taking her out and she has no idea where or what they are doing! I'm excited (albeit jealous) for her.

"Best Summer Story"

We had our first back to school department meeting this morning. On the agenda was to share our “best summer story.” To spare my coworkers how I really feel and how my summer really was, I just said nothing to report, and moved on to the next person.

BUT! But if I had really shared how my summer has gone, this is what I’d say (yes I was thinking of this the rest of the meeting):

My summer hasn’t been so fun. Seth is deployed, we talk about twice a week, I’ve been sad, lonely and feel like I’m going crazy most days. I think I've had more bad days than good days and I'm ready for this deployment to be over. I spent another birthday alone (yes he sent me flowers, but they're not the same as a real birthday date). I took ½ day vacation in the last 4 months and will not be taking any more vacation days until he comes home in WINTER. Yes, winter. Probably after Christmas. That’s a really long time from now, in case you don’t know. So, when I’m a mega-bitch and get pissed off at you and everyone else really easily, you’ll know why. You won’t understand it, but you’ll know.

With that, the meeting is adjourned. Happy back to school!

Thinking binges...

So sometimes I get on these thinking binges and think about all the time we've been apart. We've been together for about 2 1/2 years and I can easily count the number of weeks we've actually physically been together.

So between March 17th, 2008 and now, here's a list of the holidays and other times we've spent physically together.

• 2 weeks together in June 2008 for his leave from Iraq (this is the only time we've been together in summer months as well)
• 5 days in November 2008 when he came home from Iraq
• Month long block leave in December 2008/January 2009....a whole 30 days!!!
• 2 1/2 day weekend in February 2009 for Valentines Day
• 9 days in April 2009, when he came home for a few days, then we flew to NY and we spent a few more days together before he went to Germany
• 21 days in December 2009/January 2010 for the holidays
• 10 (perfect and bittersweet) days in March 2010 in Germany before he deployed.
  

And now for the holidays we've spent together:

• My 23rd birthday in June 2008
• 2 Christmas' (2008 and 2009)
• 2 New Years (2009 although I fell asleep and ruined our first New Years together...and 2010. I promised him I'd stay awake for this one)
• Valentines Day 2009
• I think we were physically together (in a hotel room) for Easter 2009 for the morning, and then I had to fly home later that day, so we didn't get to do any Easter activities, so I don't really count this as a holiday spent together. However, I do love easter and easter egg hunts and I remember I made him a few plastic easter eggs, and put them in my suitcase for him. I just don't know if it was actually on Easter or just around the time and I did the eggs a little early.

Either way...we have a minimum of 6 holidays (7 holidays tops) spent together in 2 1/2 years.

Now that I'm officially depressed thinking of our lack of quality time together, I'm going to bed early.

Guilty....

I watched a Hannah Montana episode last night. Actually I watched an episode of Good Luck Charlie (it was about her blankie getting lost, I could relate. I pretty much had to watch it). Ok, so anyways, I watch those shows (and some others on the Disney channel) when I'm babysitting...and sometimes when I'm home alone. So on a commercial break on Good Luck Charlie, there was a preview for a new episode of the Hannah Montana Forever series (I honestly don't know how that is different from Hannah Montana). It said it was a military episode so of course I had to watch it. Hannah was out on a picnic date with a guy named Jesse and they were getting ready to kiss and then his phone started ringing (and the ring tone was Hooah! Hooah! Hooah!) and he said he had to take the call and then he walked away from her for a little bit. She was getting pissed that he ditched her (after she ditched her dad of an afternoon of daddy-daughter time) so she was getting ready to leave. Just then, this Jesse guy hung up the phone and asked her where she was going and she started going off on him about how rude it was for him to take a phone call and just ignore her while they were on a date. He was like, "you don't understand..." and she interrupted him and said, "no YOU don't understand...." and then he says something like, "my dad is in Afghanistan. Whenever I get 5 minutes to talk to him, I'll stop whatever I'm doing just to talk to him." Then of course she felt like an asshole (rightly so).

When he said, "my dad is in Afghanistan" I got that weird chill thing all over my body and then started crying. Not that my dad is in the 'Stan, but obviously Seth is and that's just as hard to deal with. At the end of the episode, Hannah did a concert for what I'm guessing to be the kids of service members. There were a few sailors in the crowd, and in between her singing, there were showing real life families saying hi to their dad, mom, uncle who is currently overseas and they love them, miss them, are proud of them and can't wait till they are home. This too had me in tears. (Yesterday I cried a lot).

How true it is that if you're doing something, and he calls, you'll drop what you're doing and focus on the phone call, focus on him. The other weekend I was at my parents house and we had some family friends over. It was Sunday early afternoon and I was anticipating my call from Seth and I was asked to cut up some vegetables or something. I told them I couldn't help out at that moment because I was waiting for a phone call and my hands needed to be available. It's all about priorities.

So here's a link to the video. Fast forward to 4:23 and you'll see the part of the episode I'm talking about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kz4tduvOHp4

Skype Date!

We're about to have our first Skype Date!! I hope it works OK. I have to go get dressed and put on a little make up so I look nice for our date! (I'm still in my pajamas and haven't showered yet). I haven't seen him since March 9th!!! I have to look cute! He just left for a shower, so I have about 20 minutes to get my make-up done and get all cute for him!!

Going now!!!!

Update: If I had balls, Skype could suck them. We attempted to Skype, it wasn't working, he says for one reason, I say for another, we both got pissed off at each other and that was that. I was soooooo looking forward to seeing him and now I'm just pissed off. Right now I can't stop crying.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

I feel like I've been slacking on my blogging lately. I've had a pretty busy last 2 weeks, and it's not going to slow down for another 12 weeks at least. With that said, here's a lameass re-cap of the last 2 weeks, in bullet form, so as not to get too wordy.

• I'm done house-sitting and I made $100. Not too shabby (especially considering my dad let the dogs out half the time!!!) and that's $100 towards my wedding shoes, that I'll be buying in the next few weeks!!! I might consider it again, I don't know. And I only do it for families that I babysit for...no one else.
  
• My vanilla extract is coming along nicely! It's been brewin' since August 2nd, and I'd say it's ready! But I'm not going to use it just yet, I'm letting it sit for a few more weeks. I'll post the starting and middle and end pictures one of these days. Here's the recipe I'm following if anyone is interested.
  
• The other day when I went to the wedding location, D and Nana were asking me what kind of wedding gift I wanted. Honestly, the only gift I really really really really wanted was a Kitchen Aid mixer. It's $299 (or more, depending on the size) and I wanted someone to buy me one instead of spending that money myself. That sounds extremely greedy, I know. So I registered for one and decided I could wait a little bit longer for one. I told D and Nana that this was what I wanted and they said right then and there that they would buy it for me!! D texted me earlier this week and asked what color we wanted, so after I emailed Seth, we settled on "Bayleaf" or "Caviar." D had a 40% off coupon at Kohl's and she was going to buy it on Thursday!! She said she'd probably have to special order it because of the color, but I am 99.9% sure she won't keep it for 10.5 months until our actual wedding. I told her I would bake lots of stuff for her and Nana as soon as I got it!! I CANNOT wait to get it!
• I think Seth and I are going to try Skyping tomorrow. I have not seen his face (in person or on webcam) since we said bye at the airport in Germany on March 9. That's over 5 months in case you're wondering. I cannot wait to see him!! I am also excited to get a little glimpse of his tent. I'm sure he thinks I'm lame for wanting to see it, but I really am curious.
  
• I ordered a tote bag from Land's End earlier this week and after consulting with Seth on the color, size, zipper or no zipper, monogram or no monogram, I finally got it in the mail on Friday! It's "seaport" blue and I got it embroidered with a B, which is the letter my new last name will start with in a few months! Until I become a B____, the B is for Bitch. haha
• Last night my mom and I canned some blueberries! I can't wait to try them. We made 11 jars, and I'm taking 3 of them. I'm sending one to Seth (he loveeeeees blueberries), I'll bake a pie for the girls at work and my parents, and I'll save a jar for when Seth is home so he can bake a pie. My mom also canned some of her tomatoes earlier this week and she gave me a jar of that, which I'll also save for when Seth is home so we can make some chili....he will totally be into this.
  
• I went shopping today and got a lot of new stuff. I got Seth some new socks, and a t-shirt, and for me, I got some new tennis shoes, 3 pairs of jeans, some bras and panties, a really cute sweater/cardigan with ruffles for work, another comfy sweater for weekends, and some more sweaters for work. One of the pairs of jeans has little fancy things on them...I keep thinking rhinestones, but they aren't. They aren't shiny, and I can't think of the name of them, but when I put the jeans on, I felt I really needed a pair of cowgirl boots. Soooo, I got me some cowgirl boots too!!! I haven't had cowgirl boots since I was about 6 years old when my grandpa bought me a pink pair with sparkles and pink fringe from Mervyns. Oh man those were cute boots. These are just brown boots, but they are super cute and I can't wait to wear them!! I'm ready for fall!!!
  

I guess that's it for right now. Happy Saturday night -- I'm going to clean out my closet a little bit so I can make room for my new stuff!! :)

Seth sent me flowers!!!

I was standing at the copy machine and my coworker, M, was walking to me and she said, "STACY!!! Someone sent you flowers!!!!" And her face was buried in them and she was smelling them and saying how pretty they are. So I read the little card, and although he didn't sign his name, I know it was from Seth. I think they are pretty random, usually I get flowers on certain holidays, but not just because.

I was being a whiny brat yesterday on gmail and I could tell he was very frustrated with me. I called him before he went to bed and apologized, and he said I was being rather dramatic about the whole situation. (For the record, I didn't think I was being dramatic, I just thought I was being very very whiny). Regardless, I think these flowers were part of that little argument.

Here's a picture of them (sorry for the bad quality, it's from my phone. You can get the drift though).

Calm Before the (School) Storm

School starts in 13 working days. I’m SOOOO ready, but I’m SOOOO not ready. This is the worst part of the whole entire year for me. I really dislike it. I wish I could prepare for it much more than I actually can, but I can’t because the teachers and secretaries get back on a certain day, and then that’s when the constant questions/phone calls/emails come pouring in. In a way, I like it because it makes the days go by soooo fast, and the first 9 weeks of school are over before I know it. On the other hand, the days are really long, and I’ll be working much later than normal. I always have mixed feelings about this: I dread back to school, but I just want to get it started, so it can be over with. The only thing I ever enjoy about back to school is that the first 9 weeks will fly by sosososososoSO fast, and then that puts us in the first week of November which is a very short amount of time until Seth comes home for leave!! I am looking forward to it being November and December and seeing my lovey!! :)

Today is a bust

Today started off bad at work. And it's gone downhill from there. It seems like I've been here for 203402398423 hours already but unfortuantely, in reality, I've only been here just under 3 hours. How can that be??? Nothing is going right today. I would call a do-over, but I just want the day to be overwith. Jimney crickets.

I am so ready to leave work, mail Seth's care packages, and get my frustrations out at the gym. Ahhhhhh

11 months!!

Today marks exactly the 11 month mark until our wedding!!! TheKnot.com was kind enough to send me a reminder email that said my to-do list for this month was to:

Book Your Reception Site (check...done since February!)
Plan the Music (check...done since before we even got engaged! We're doing DIY music, and he's going to have it all downloaded and on his Zune and we just have to get some speakers and hook it all up).
Hire a Photographer and Videographer (check...done since June and not doing a professional videographer).

I'm so ahead of schedule. TheKnot.com now gives me permission to slack off in the month of August for wedding-related plans :)

I'm the coolest babysitter ever!

So I'm babysitting right now. I love these kids. They are in early middle school and 9th grade (she has cerebal palsey) and they are the sweetest kids. The boy is going into 7the grade this year. He likes to chase me around the house with his lizards and freak the crap out of me. It works everytime too. Anyways, I just killed a fly with a fly swatter and I told the boy, "open your mouth, close your eyes, and I will give you a big SURPRISE!!!" Hahah then I put the fly swatter up to his mouth. Haha I rule. For the record I wouldn't have let him eat it if he tried, but I still would have dared him to. Now we're going to play a game and hopefully I'll win. He usually kicks my ass in board games.

Dang it!!

My one (so far) gripe with Blogger is that often times I will write up and work on a blog a few days before I actually post it. Apparently there is a time stamp on it somewhere that I cannot find, and then when I actually do post it, it gets posted on the day I started it. This has happened twice, and it's annoying. I want to post them on a particular day, such as this one and this one were intended to, but they posted on the original dates that they were drafted, making me look look like I don't know my dates! Oh, I just remembered another gripe: when I'm putting in my labels, after I enter the last one, I press enter (habit, maybe), and it automatically publish's the post. This too pisses me off. I wish it would not automatically publish it, I would rather it just save it. I've accidentally published things.

Does any more experienced blogger have any ways to fix this, or do I just have to be more careful about the early posting, and the invisible time stamp?

My Pictures and My Things

So I’m house/pet sitting this week, you know? I’ve decided I really don’t care for it much. It requires so much getting ready for, on my part, and I’m not even going anywhere. It’s like the worst possible vacation. I had to pack up all my daily stuff (including picking out 5 days of work clothes which is completely unheard of for me), clean my house like I’ll be gone for a week, not sleep in my own bed for 8 days and take care of someone elses pets. Plus, my commute time has been increased to 30 minutes instead of 13 minutes. A whole hour of driving compared to 30 minutes. Basically it sucks all around. Wedding shoes...wedding shoes....wedding shoes. That's my motive for doing it.

Anyways, I don’t really like being away from my apartment. My apartment that has pictures of Seth everywhere I look. My apartment where I have memories of Seth and me in it. My apartment where I have my own morning routine, my own bed, my own shower, my own toothpaste (they use nasty Arm and Hammer toothpaste that feels like sand on my teeth, ugh, it’s gross, and I hate it), my own apartment where I can do whatever I want when I want, how I want. My apartment that has my own computer, my own things.

Most of all, I miss my pictures of Seth. On the nightstand, I have a few different pictures of us that are the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up. One is a picture of us kissing in a picture frame that says LOVE. I remember taking that picture so clearly…it was the evening before he went back to Iraq and we walked to the park and held hands, and he told me he was “in like” with me. I also have a few other pictures of him on my night stand…one of him in Iraq in a HUMVEE (I’m guessing), and he’s dressed in all his gear and he wrote on the back that he was going out to a FOB. He sent me this picture in a little care package for me before we met in person. I also have a picture of us on the morning he left to go back to Iraq and we had just gotten out of the shower and he was making fun of me because I had my hair wrapped up in a pink towel, so he put his little bit of hair up in a towel too. (Little did I know I'd cry so much that day I could have used the towel to absorb my tears instead of multiple boxes of Kleenex...) I also have a picture of him standing in our living room in his uniform when he was home on leave from Iraq and basically I just wanted him to dress up in it because he’s so damn sexy in it, although he dislikes having to wear it when he doesn’t have to. I think it’s funny because he’s wearing a black shirt under the uniform and that is not allowed and he has a very annoyed look on his face and his head is cocked like, “really? I’m dressed up only so you can take a picture of me?” When my alarm goes off in the morning, I roll over and hit the snooze button and then I say good morning to his picture and tell him I hope he’s having a good day and I love him. Before I turn off the light when I sleep, I have a little chat with his picture and tell him I miss him and tell him I wish he were there with me in bed so he can cuddle me and I love him. (Does anyone else talk to their pictures??) Sometimes I even lay the picture on his pillow on the bed and pretend he’s sleeping there, but then I put it back on the nightstand so I don’t roll over it at some point in my sleep and make it wrinkly. I packed a book to read before I go to bed and I exchanged my usual book mark for the picture of him all dressed in his gear in the HUMVEE. I still talk to his picture before I go to bed, but it’s not the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up and I don’t like that. So, I shall now set his picture on my substitute nightstand for the remainder of the week and look at that first thing when I wake up.

It's Definitely A Monday

A stupid Monday at that.

I’m sleeping at my parents while I’m house/pet sitting next door to them, and I forgot to plan in time in my morning routine to go let their dogs out and feed their animals. So my hair looks like shit this morning and I’ve felt like a frazzled mess all day long. Our cat, Pancake, was annoying me and trying to climb up my leg while I was doing my hair. Once I rushed through my regular morning routine, I finally went next door to go let their dog out. I stepped out the front door and noticed that trash was littered ALL over the street. And of course it comes from the house that I’m house sitting. They had set their trashcan out by the road so that was one less thing for me to have to do. It was a nice gesture of them honestly. What wasn’t nice is that some punkass teenagers (probably) decided to tip the trash can over, littering trash down the road, and hauling the trashcan down the road, and eventually letting it go (I assume flying) into someone else’s mail box in the neighborhood, breaking the box part off the stand part. Since my morning was rushed to begin with, I cleaned up as much trash out of their front yard, and planned on doing the rest after work (fuck that noise, I wasn’t going to be late to pick up trash…I would have honestly picked it up after work). So there I was at 6:45 a-fucking-m cleaning up trash. Trash is bad enough to begin with, let alone someone else’s trash. I didn’t even see the trash can until I finally left for work, and then I called my mom and she kindly told me she would retrieve the trashcan and pick up the remaining junk from the rest of the street. She even called the trash company and ordered the neighbors a new trashcan because it was rickety and broken and she didn’t even know if it was going to make it back to their house. I still neglected to feed the fish in the morning because I just didn’t have time. I hope I remember to do it when I let the dog out tonight.

I work at a school district, and we don’t start school until September 7th. That’s still a whole friggin month away. Why are teachers so anxious to get back to school? I’ll never understand. I have one thing left to accomplish on my summer work to-do list, which involves mass amounts of shredding, and for a good 2 weeks earlier this summer, the shredding machine was broken. This has set me back quite a bit, and I don’t know if I’ll get it finished before school starts. By “massive amounts” I mean I have a TON of paper to shred…multiple huge boxes, courtesy of a school that sent it to me, when it was their responsibility to shred. Anyways, today was a rain day and no one’s at the beach, they must be dreaming about going back to school, so I got quite a few calls and emails on how and when they do this or that. Jimney Crickets relax people! Enjoy the last 4 weeks of summer.

I definitely don’t time to be blogging at work anymore. :(

The two good things about today though, is that Seth told me to look up the pretty luxurious hotel in a city north of us, and said that we should go there when he’s home for leave. I called them and got a few price quotes on the lux suites but not for the one room he specifically wanted. I emailed them about that room and now I’m waiting to hear how much it will be. Although it’s a good few months away, the thought of having a romantic weekend away from home with him super excites me. The other good thing is my computer is finally done and my coworker has removed the virus from it. Figures that I won’t even be at home to test it out and make sure things are working well on it for a whole week. Ugh. At least it’s done.

House/pet sitting, spiders and another care package

I am house/pet sitting for a family I babysit for, for the next 7.5 days. I'm really not looking forward to it, but I'm doing it to afford my wedding shoes. That's bad to say, but it's sorta true. They have lots of pets, and I get itchy and my eyes get watery when I spend a long time there. Luckily (actually I don't know if this is lucky or not), they live right next door to my parents, so I'll actually be spending the night at my parents house, and hanging out and going for walks with the animals here and there. I love my parents and all, but I will be so over seeing them by the time the week is over. I'm somewhat dreading it. Parental overload for sureeeeee.

I should really be packing up my stuff right now, but as you can clearly see, I'm not too excited about it so therefore I'm procrastinating. I'm even watching Police Women of Memphis on TLC. I also keep watching a hugeass nasty spider on my balcony screen door. I keep thinking about killing it, but it's rather large and it has pinchers I'm pretty sure. (It's trapped between the glass slider door, and the screen door, so it can't get me right now). It looks to me to be a baby tarantula. It looks furry. I'm no spider expert, but I'm sure it could pass for one. I'm contemplating killing it to death with a shoe, but since it's rather large, I'll have to press pretty hard on my screen door and I don't want to break my hand through it. I don't know if that's even possible, but I don't want to find out. I wouldn't worry too much about this, except I want to spray the bees or wasps or whatever are now building another stupid nest on my balcony railing. I don't want to let this sit for the next week while I'm gone. Lord knows how big the hive will be by then. I'm wondering if I could vacuum up the spider, but then I also think that won't actually kill the spider, which is my ultimate goal, and the spider will eventually crawl out of the vacuum, which brings me back to square one. I would SO make Seth be the killer of spiders and sprayer of the bees of the household, but in his absence, I need to grow some balls, suck it up and kill the damn thing if I'm afraid of it. It's what he'd want me to do anyways. It's just that this one is bigger than other ones I've seen.

On the bright side, I went to the post office and mailed Seth some care packages again. This time, I got another newish lady. It always amazes me that with how often I go in there, they've recently just begun asking me about Seth a little bit. I've been going to the same post office for over 2.5 years and for the most part, it's been the same staff members. This lady, Deanna, was pretty nice. She was talking to me about "support groups" (for lack of a better word) for military spouses in our area, which I have yet to find, and how there is an older lady who comes in very frequently and her church collects and donates stuff to military members. Deanna said she would try to ask the lady if she knows of support groups in our area. Deanna also asked if I needed more boxes, and I told her I had plenty of home, and she said that I could get the special, "America Supports You" flat rate boxes that aren't just out for taking. I guess they have to be specially asked for. So she hauled out a huge box with 25 large flat rate boxes!! She gave me the whole box! I'm so excited for this. She thanked me for Seth's service too. She said that when she was younger, she dated a guy in the military and he was in Vietnam and she said it makes her teary eyed (which I could see in her eyes) when she remembered sending him care packages, and being separated from him. So, I like her. Tis what my life consists of.

I'm going to kill the stupid spider now and then start packing I suppose. Time to get my ass in gear.

Wedding progress

Yesterday was the day of the week that I was most excited for! I took off from work at noon, and met some family friends at my parents house. They were coming to town from the other side of the state and we were going to the wedding location! I’ve known D since I was 5 years old, and her son and I met in kindergarten…21 years ago. Her daughter is a few years younger than me, but she’s like a little sister and she’ll be a bridesmaid. D’s mom, nana, came with also. Nana and I have a lot in common (she married an MP in the 50’s or 60’s, and up and moved her life to be with him in Ansbach, Germany) and she absolutely LOVES to talk about the wedding. Of course I do too, and she is the only person (other than my own mom) who doesn’t get tired of talking about it. I was super excited for going to the place because I’ve only seen pictures of it in summer time. When I found it online, I went immediately to see it then. In January. And it’s an outdoor location. And it snows quite a bit here. So I was anxious to see it in all its glory and see in real life how it will be next July when we get married there!! It was a bonus that there was a rehearsal going on when we were there, so I was able to watch how they did it. So we were driving there and everyone was talking in the car, and Nana basically yelled for everyone to stop talking, and she said in her sweet little voice, “Stacy, what progress have we made on the wedding since last time we talked? But before you answer that, please tell me how Seth is.” It was so sweet that she was concerned with how he is doing more than the wedding. As much as I enjoy talking about the wedding and talking about him (sharing stories) in general, it always makes me happy when someone, who hasn’t even met him, cares enough to ask how he’s doing. After I told her how he’s doing and what he’s up to, we resumed the wedding talk.

There was someone coordinating the rehearsal, and I asked John, one of the co-owners of the place, if they had a wedding coordinator. He said usually the pastor is the one who coordinates the wedding. (Oh, that’s good to know, I wouldn’t have guessed that and I was somewhat stressing over how it would all go smoothly). He also told me that the DJ keeps the reception going smoothly and somewhat coordinates that as well. That too was good to know, because I was curious how all that stuff played out since we definitely aren’t having a wedding planner. We walked all around the grounds, saw the waterfalls (and the koi fish in the ponds at the bottom of the waterfalls), and the flowers, trees and big open grass areas, and the river, and the little walking bridge, and the pavilion where the reception will be. Seth had made it a point to let me know he prefers round tables at the reception (I hadn’t really thought about what shape of tables we’d have), and John only had long rectangular tables. He said that lots of people put two rectangular tables together to create more of a square shape. John said if we wanted round tables, we’d have to get it from an outside vendor. I had been researching this and it was going to be a few hundred dollars to get tables, linens, and also delivery for this. But John informed me that they will be purchasing round tables for next season, and they’ll also have linens available. There will be a small charge, but it will be worth it. We talked about the seating chart a little bit, and Nana and him talked about the flowers and the amount of time he spends on them. John showed me a new listing of decorating things we can pay for, and there is some tooling on the ceiling. Nana thought this was very pretty and thought that we definitely needed it so she gave me a $50 bill to put in our wedding fund to get that done. She also told me that if I ever need any help financially paying for this, to please please please let her know. She never had the big dream wedding that every girl dreams of, and she wants to make sure that doesn’t happen to me. She said that she doesn’t cook food anymore, but she wants to help out in any way that she can, even if it’s financially. After that, we headed home (and stopped for some ice cream, I might add), recharged Nana’s electric scooter that died while she was driving it up hill, and then we went to the Casino for a night of hanging out, eating, gambling and people watching. D’s son, J, who I met in kindergarten, works at one of the restaurants in the casino so we ate at his restaurant. J hugged us when we got there, his mom, nana, my parents and me, and one of the hostesses that was there, asked if I was J's girlfriend. I didn’t hear this part, but my parents and D did. If only he were so lucky…he had his chance back in kindergarten! Ha. Really though, if I would have heard this, I would have kindly had to tell her that my fiancé wasn’t there with me because he is deployed. I love telling people who Seth is and where he's at. It makes me proud. So we ate; it was a buffet and Friday nights are unlimited crab legs and prime rib (I don’t care for either), and then we went to gamble. (Last time I was at the casino, we went in December after Seth came home from Germany, and we went with his brothers and sisters, parents, and grandma, and my parents. When we got there last time, my dad had dropped me, my mom and Seth off at the door, and he was going to go park the car. Seth opted to go with him to park the car, and I later found out that this was when Seth was going to ask for my dad’s permission to marry me. Seth later told me this, and then said that my dad was talking about something else and Seth didn’t have a chance to ask. Haha I can only imagine what was going through Seth’s mind when my dad was talking!!!) My dad and I don’t gamble, we don’t really get it, and as he said, “if I’m going to waste my money, I’d rather it go to the public schools (lottery tickets), rather than the Indians.” This was a very valid point, especially since we both work at a public school district. So we walked around and peopled watched. Man, casinos are really the best places for people watching.

I really wished Seth was there with us. I would have liked to have a date night with him there, and then go watch him gamble. He’s better at gambling that I ever will be so I just watch him. It’s fun though. I was thinking about the last time we were there together, and going to this table, or that table, or this bar or that one. And it always sucks seeing other couples so lovey-fucking-dovey in love and I can’t have that right now. It’s just annoying and makes me more lonely sometimes. Although I wouldn’t trade him, or what we have for the world, it just makes me miss him more and wish that we could have regular date nights.

All in all, it was a very good and successful day doing wedding stuff. It’s about 11.5 months till the wedding and I can’t wait as we get closer and closer!

Life's a Chore

I love my lunchtime group of girls. We always have the best talks, and for the most part, they are all 10-30 years older than me. Mind you, none of these are military wives (although one was back in the day, however, her husband never deployed and he only joined as an officer so he wouldn’t get drafted, and they never spent a significant amount (longer than a month) of time apart). I walk by and “pick up” my two good friends S and E on my way up the stairs to the lunchroom. We meet a few other girls from other departments and our conversations vary every single day. We share advice, funny stories, vacation stories, family gossip, talk about their kids and grandkids, (sometimes there is crying involved – ok that was only one time and it was me, but whatever) and very rarely do we actually talk about work-work. It’s just like it’s understood that for our 45-60 minute lunch break, we don’t talk about work, and we’re all in a silent agreement about this. Sometimes one will oftentimes complain about their husband. Even my work best friend S onetime said, as her husband was preparing to go to Vermont for a week for a conference and he was trying to make sure everything was in order for while he was away, “sometimes it’s just easier when I have to do everything myself, and not take his schedule into consideration.” She immediately shot me a look that conveyed, “I’m sorry, I’m sure you’d rather have it the other way around.” We didn’t say anything about it afterwards, but I know she didn’t say that intentionally to get to me.

But today was one of those days where what we were talking about got to me. Somehow we got on the topic of household chores, and what is their ‘chore’, and what is their husbands ‘chore.’ Most of the girls agreed that while their husbands take out the trashcan, why can’t he also remember to put a bag in the trash can? Or when he uses the last of the toilet paper, why can’t he put a new roll on? Or when he uses the last bit of the shampoo, or soap, or toothpaste, or the last Q-Tip, why can’t he replace or refill what was there? And how annoying it is that he can do half of the chore, and then leave her to do the other half?

I wish I could be complaining about how Seth empties the trash, but doesn’t put a bag in it. I would so badly love it if I could say how much he was annoying me and I just want to get away from him for a day or so. I wish I could complain about how he leaves his dirty dishes in the sink, or his dirty socks on the floor. I wish I could bitch at him to help me out around the house. I wish I could just get some help from him on the chores period. But no, I can’t. Know why? Because he’s deployed for a whole year, so I get to do this all myself, day after day, week after week, with no help. Luckily kids aren’t involved, so it really is all my ‘mess’, but even so, I would give anything to have his mess at home with mine. I would give anything to be able to eat dinner with him every night and have to do his dishes, and even his laundry. I would give anything to be able to argue with him over who does what household chore.

I would give anything to have him be able to come home right now.

On a random side note, "chore" is a really weird word if you think about it. It sounds weird. It's only one syllable. It looks weird. It's actually a stupid word now that I think of it.

Aches and Pains

I have not been sleeping well lately. I don’t know why, but it’s been annoying. I have been going to bed at around my usual time of 10, and I’m just not tired. I’ve been reading, and usually reading puts me to sleep pretty fast when I’m all cozied up in my bed, but I’ve been reading for almost an hour lately. I’ve been awake reading until after 11, which is really late for me. I’ve also been waking up with a sore neck…like I feel when I’m under a lot of stress. This too is annoying and I’m about ready to call my friend Laura and book a massage with her (she went to massage school). I don’t feel more stressed than normal , so I don’t know why I’m not sleeping well, and waking up all sore.

I do know that I am so over this. And I’m also my wisdom teeth that are coming in on the top and bottom.

It's August. Holy Crap.

I’m excited for this week. Mostly I’m excited for Friday though. Here’s what I’m doing this week:

• Going to World Market to get fresh vanilla beans so I can start brewing the vanilla extract with the vodka I bought yesterday.
• Dropping off my favorite pair of black heels to get fixed so I can wear them again come fall.
• Go shopping for Seth and get him some mouse traps. He specifically requested the “snappy” kinds, not the glue/sticky kinds.
• Mail out care package with above item, and other things. Maybe some cookies for his friend. We’ll see.

And last but certainly not least, on Friday, I’m going to take a half day and go to the wedding ceremony/reception site in the afternoon! I have long time family friends coming into town and they really want to see the location, so we’re going to do a little shopping in the afternoon and then head to the site. It turns out that there is a 3:00 rehearsal on Friday afternoon, so I’m excited to silently stalk that from afar! I’m always open to ideas.

Also throw in a few times at the gym, a few hours at the pool. Oh, I also begin house sitting on Saturday, so that’ll be some extra money in my pocket for the wedding. Specifically it will be spent on wedding shoes.

Deployment donut says 33% today!! Slowly but surely...

Challenge Day

A few years ago, I had the privilege of participating in Challenge Day at our alternative high school. There’s a new show on MTV called, “If You Really Knew Me” and it’s based on Challenge Day. I was excited for the show and tonight I saw the first episode.

Here’s a small portion of Challenge Day. This is the analogy that they use in person at Challenge Day and on the show. Compare yourself to an iceberg. About 10 % of an iceberg sticks out of the top of the water. There is still 90 % of the iceberg underneath the water. The 10% is what you project to others, your appearance, your personality…what you want people to know about you. The rest of the 90% is the real you, the deep emotions that you probably don’t ever share with people, the stuff you keep inside. There’s a part of Challenge Day were we do a “If you really knew me” circle. This is where you say, “if you really knew me…..” and finish the sentence with whatever you feel people don’t know about you. It’s about sharing your feelings and making your emotions known, so you know you’re not the only one who is going through that. There are lots of kids who are going through a rough time, but they only project the happy part of their life…typical of kids. Only show people the outside, happy go lucky part of you. Challenge Day brings people together because of the things we’ve experienced.

Challenge day was GREAT. If you ever ever ever have an opportunity to participate in Challenge Day, I highly recommend it. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I was asked if I could participate. I think it was less than a year after I had been at my current job, and my coworker Sarah asked if I could be a volunteer for it. I’d never even heard of it before, but she gave me a small background and said they needed “facilitators.” I agreed to do it and little did I know what I was getting myself into. I went in there completely blind. I came out of the extremely long and emotional day with a red nose, puffy eyes, and emotionally exhausted. I was a facilitator, which meant I was like a co-leader of our group of students. There was another guy who was a co-leader in our group of 5 or so students. We were the ones to get things started in our group of kids, and all of us in the group shared stories that made us, and the rest of our group cry. We were at the alternative high school, which is typically students who have troubled lives at home, get kicked out of school for this or that, end up in juvie or whatever. So we had some really deep issues in our group and it broke my heart to hear about these kids, who were high schoolers, and what they had to deal with at such a young life. They shared that their parents had been in and out of jail, they’d never met one of their parents, their dad beat their mother, a parent was into hard core drugs, the child had been sexually or physically abused, kids were made fun of for this or for that, teen pregnancies, etc. etc. etc. The list went on and on. (This wasn’t all in my group, but these were some things that were shared from all of the kids who were participating).

I’ve lived a fairly sheltered life, and I have a good home life. I grew up with both parents in the house, and they were loving and supportive and encouraging of each other and of us kids. I’ve never had to deal with hard core drugs, or abuse of any sort, or abandonment.

This is only the tip of all of Challenge Day, and sometimes I still think to myself when I’m going through a rough time, “man, I could really use a Challenge Day and get the love and support of others.”

You can find out more here and again, if you ever get the opportunity to participate in Challenge Day, I promise you will not regret it. I really do think that every single person can benefit from participating in Challenge Day.

How would you finish the sentence, “if you really knew me….”?

Alcohol laws

Today I went grocery shopping. I went in the morning instead of the afternoon and it's Sunday and I forgot about the stupid Michigan law that says alcohol cannot be purchased before noon on Sundays. I was buying a bottle of vodka so I can start brewing (I don't know if that's the right term, but I'm using it anyways) my own vanilla extract...as a little trial run for our wedding favors. The lines were long as hell and I of course do not like waiting so I hopped between 3 lanes so I didn't have to stand in long lines. On the 3rd lane, it was about 11:53 and the cashier was taking his sweet time, which was rather annoying to me. I had my license out so he could check it, but he wasn't ringing up the bottle. Towards the end of him scanning the groceries, it was 11:57 and he picked up the bottle and he looked at his watch and said, "I'm just going to draw the rest of the scanning out because I can't run the alcohol through the scanner until after noon." Ahhhhh SHIT. There was a girl behind me and I told her sorry that she'd have to wait a few more minutes. Luckily it was only a few minutes, and we got to talking (me, the girl behind me and the cashier) and I told them I was going to make vanilla extract with it. We were literally counting down the seconds until 12:00:01 and it still wouldn't let him scan it. He had to wait until 12:01 for it to let him scan it. He said the scanners literally will not let alcohol be scanned before noon, he said it is a restricted item, and it starts beeping, and doesn't allow the cashier to override it.

We had to wait about 3 minutes total, and if i would have just been patient in the long lines, I wouldn't have had to make the girl behind me wait also. At least she was cool about it.

I have the alcohol but no vanilla beans so really it didn't matter how long I waited. However, my goal this week is to find some vanilla beans so I can start brewing this stuff.