Happy flowers

I got Cheer Me Up flowers yesterday, with a little note that said we've had a rough few days and he hoped these flowers cheer me up. They were sent to me at work, of course... That's just what he does :)

As soon as it starts....

it's over.

I desperately want to go to bed right now. I'm so tired. We've been up since 3:45 AM.
But.
I desperately do not want to go bed right now. It's a cold (literal) reminder that I'm going to bed alone.

We didn't make the bed today before we left for the airport and now the bed is going to be extra cold with all the sheets all messed up and exposed. Plus, it's only 10 degrees outside right now and the windchill is 0 degrees. I'm already freezing cold and I just want a big warm hug from him. I've been wearing his slippers since I got home from work today. I picked up some of his random clothes that were thrown on the living room floor last night. I smelled them and they smelled like his Chanel Cologne and the cigar he smoked last night. I'm not washing them. (Yes, I'm a creeper, babe, and I'm going to sleep with them tonight). His shoes are still by the door. His razor blade on my purple razor is still on the counter. His sunglasses are still on the table. We still have alcohol on the counter. His jacket is still on the back of the chair.

We didn't really sleep well for the first few nights. It's weird adjusting to sleeping with someone after 10 months of sleeping with no one. During our separation, I got used to sleeping alone, so I'd wake up sweating from him curled around me in the middle of the night. I got used to his warmth very quickly though, and now he's gone again. Already. I love R&R because it helps to break up a long deployment. I dislike R&R because two weeks is just not enough. Is it spring time yet? Is this deployment over yet? I've been so over it for a while now, not going to lie.

I somehow managed to go to a 4 hour training today at work. I don't have any idea what took place, what we talked about or what was asked. I was busy tracking his flight the whole way to ATL, and then texting him when he landed. I left the training a few times and we talked on the phone. I got caught up on emails and phone calls for the last few days but was not successful training wise. Someone at work said to me, "we all appreciate what you're doing." WTF does that mean? They're happy it's me going through this and not them? Maybe it was meant to be a compliment. I really don't know. I didn't take it as one though.

I want to go to bed but I don't. Maybe I'll go play the Wii he bought us. It's sort of boring play by myself though. Maybe I'll go to bed and enjoy a new book on my Kindle he got me as a Christmas present. Cold. Alone. Bed. Neither option sounds really fun.

I love you babe. Come home soon. I miss you already.

Ok, so.....

I've been completely obsessed with this one blog. I discovered it today and I won't admit to how many hours I've devoted to reading tonight, and catching up on her life story since she started her blog. It's from a fellow military spouse, and she's so real, and so honest, and funny, and unfortunately her husband was killed in Afghanistan just a few short months ago. I can't imagine what she's going through, but my heart goes out to her and her newborn daughter. I started reading her most recent posts, and then realized I needed to know the rest of her story, so I went to her very first post and I've been addicted. Does that make me sound like a creep? Oh well.

I'm still fairly new to this milspouse business and the military in general, and I've not "known" someone who has had a loved one killed in action. Needless to say, it's got me a bit freaked out. I can't help thinking of the worst possible things right now. These thoughts can literally consume you. Honestly. I KNOW he's in the military and he's currently deployed and I KNOW what could happen to him, but I can't let myself think like that the whole time he's deployed. I think I do a fairly good job of thinking positive, but right now, after reading that, it's sorta hard. I know I probably shouldn't read stuff like this right now, or read news articles about things going on where my soldier is at, but I can't help it. They have for the majority of my evening. If I hear the town where he's at in the news, I have to read the article or stop what I'm doing and watch the news clip. If I don't know where the town is compared to where my soldier is at, I have to look it up on Google Earth. I've cried at the majority of her posts, just insanely sad for her loss, and sad for the loss of the dad of their child she gave birth to while he was deployed and he never had a chance to meet. It breaks my heart to think about that.

On a related note, in between catching up on her life story, I made a care package for my love. I got him some boxers (what guy doesn't need some new ones once in a while?) and he said he loved them and asked if I could get him more. So off I went to get him some more. I even go as far as to wash them up, and put them in a ziplock baggy so they are fresh with the smell of laundry detergent from home. I also had a free $15 coupon at Banana Republic, his all time favorite store, and boxers there are $16 for one pair. Pretty expensive in our books, so he's never had a pair. So I got him a pair. He'll have the most stylish boxers under his (sexy) ACU's. And let me just add that I cannot begin to explain how excited I am to rip those boxers off of him. Well, I won't literally be ripping them off of him, because even though I technically spent about $1 on them, they still cost $16 and no way am I about to rip those. I also got him a magazine, lots of coffee, some peanuts, a few travel mugs, and a few handwritten letters. I also included a new installation of our newlywed game show questions, and I can't wait to see his answers this time. God I love him.

Who am I?!?

I figure I should reveal a little about myself so you can know who you’re dealing with. Not that we’re really “dealing” with each other, but you know, a little history of who writes this sometimes crazy crap.


In no particular order…(except the first bulleted item on the "I love" list...loving him is better than all the other "loves" put together).

I love:

• My soldier :)
• The Army
• Shopping, specifically for shoes
• Planning our amazing wedding
• Traveling, specifically to Germany and Alaska
• Foreign cars (for the record, just because I prefer foreign cars and feel they are built better than American cars, this does not make me any less “American” than people that only buy American cars. I’m sorry that certain American cars don’t run nearly as long as foreign cars; furthermore, I’m sorry you’ve not realized this and you’ll probably go through 2-3 American cars before I get my second foreign car).
• Baking
• Computers
• Texting
• Coloring Easter eggs
• iTunes radio
• Making care packages
• Countdowns
• Family
• Writing queries (most of the time)
• Pun jokes!
• Phone calls from my future husband that wake me up on weekend mornings when we’re apart
• Target
• Organization and order
• Working out (except when a deployment first starts, then I don’t love this, but I eventually get back into my routine)
• Camping and being outdoors
• The Newlywed Game Show with Carnie Wilson
• Reading other blogs
• Cold coffee
• Whales
• Taking pictures
• Baby marine animals
• Holidays
• Long island iced tea

I Dislike:

• Deployments
• The current economy
• The Army – yes, this is on both the love/dislike list.
• Planning our wedding….all by myself.
• When it’s barely raining and windshield wipers are on full speed
• That I’m really good at procrastination
• When you’re in the car with someone and all they do is talk on their cell phones. Or more importantly, when they YELL on their cell phone no matter where they are at
• Annoying ring tones
• Spiders and bugs
• Cupboard doors left open
  Dirty windows (yes, this includes dirty glasses, the kind that give me 4 eyes…the kind I wear on my face)
• Dirty mirrors
• The oil spill in the Gulf
• Being apart, on the military’s time schedule, not our own
• People who are younger than me and feel like they can tell me what to do
• Self absorbed people
• That I swear so much
• Holidays that we are forced to spend apart, courtesy of the Army
• Construction that is currently taking place at work and vibrating steamrollers

I can’t wait to:

• Get married to the love of my life! Only one year and 14 days to go!!!
• Go back “home” to Germany and welcome my soldier “home” after a long 12 months in The ‘Stan
• Experience military life to the fullest. As of right now, I’ll say I’m excited for our first PCS. Disclaimer: that excitement will probably fade once he gets our orders and we dislike our new duty station. But for now, I am excited
• Have little babies with my soon to be husband. He will be the best daddy ever and I can’t wait!!
• Grow old with him
• Finish planning our wedding and see the final outcome
• Hear the news that my soldier has been promoted. It will be next month or the following month
• Spend our first 4th of July together and watch fireworks. On the beach. Eventually with our kids. (This is still a good 2 years away).

According to my soon to be husband, these are just a few of the reasons he wants to marry me:

• I’m funny and nice
• I’m quirky, like him
• We have similar life plans, such as kids and goals
• I have nice boobs
• He loves being with me, even when doing nothing in particular
• I like doing outside stuff, going camping, going boating, canoeing
• I’m not a bitch, and I never will be
• I’m a genuine, good person
• I like to snuggle up at night with a glass of wine and watch a movie (a.k.a. sleep) on the couch
• I like to dream of the future…with him
• I’ll be a good mom