Signs

This weekend, I was going through some files on my computer and I ran across the first emails that Seth and I wrote back and forth. I re-read through a lot of them and I actually remember how excited I was when I'd get a new email from him; I'd be learning something new about him and he'd say something to make me laugh. I still get excited actually...I look forward to getting to work each morning and yes, the first thing I do is check my personal email. As I was reading through these, so many things make perfect sense as to who he is now!

I also ran across something I wrote shortly after he deployed this time. Kinda like a little journal, but not really. Just something I wrote at the time. Here it is, from April 15, 2010:

Before Seth deployed, and I knew we wouldn’t be talking on a regular basis, I was wondering how I’d know he was thinking of me and he missed me and how much he loved me….signs from him basically. Well, turns out I’ve gotten a few. On the day he left, Easter, I went over to mom and dad’s for dinner. Then I had to stop by his parents house to drop something off to his parents. After talking to his dad for a little while, I started to drive home. The song I’m Already There by Lonestar came on and I started crying. It’s a song about being thousands of miles apart, but still together in your heart, no matter where you are. That was sign number one. The other day I got a box. I was expecting it, but it was still a sign. I’m expecting another tuff box with some of his stuff from Germany. It will have his two suits, his wedding tie, his hard drive, and some other stuff for me to keep, he said some important papers. He also said there was a little surprise in it. I can’t wait to get it! I should get it in a day or two. It was mailed at the same time as the other box, which just had his laptop in it, and I have to send that to him. The laptop box came yesterday, so I’m expecting this one any day. Plus, we got to talk for 14 whole minutes, which was like, FOREVER! So I’m glad to get the good box on a separate day, so I have something to look forward to, and so when I get it, it will be another thing to brighten that day. I don’t want all the excitement on one day…..I want it spread out. Tonight I was driving home from my parents house. As I was getting close to my apartment, Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton came on. Last Valentines Day, 2009, when we met in Cleveland, I was driving him back to Erie, PA to meet John. We went to breakfast at an iHop and when we got back in my car after breakfast, I said, “what song do you want to dance to at our wedding?” Mind you, this was only about 11 months after we had started talking (talking, not even dating, it was 8-9 months after we met/started dating). He said…hold on, I’ll play it for you. And he went to Wonderful Tonight on his Zune. Then we listed to a 9 minute acoustic version as we were driving, holding hands, down the Pennsylvania/Ohio freeway/toll road. It was cute. He still wants it to be the first song we dance to at our wedding. I’m always looking for little signs like this, of him saying hi to me and he misses me, and I know one when I spot one. He loves me, even when we’re thousands of miles apart, on totally different continents, and we can talk for about 20 minutes per week for a whole year.

Well, I'm glad to say that the last part of the last sentence has improved greatly in the last few months. We now average (this is a guess) about an hour to 90 minutes each week. (Thank you Lord!!) Anyways, I'm still always looking for little signs of him saying hi and he loves me. I get the signs frequently when I'm driving and my ring sparkles on my car ceiling. I love it. Might be weird, but I always kiss my ring and say hi to him when it gets all sparkley. On the day I went to the wedding location to check it out in the summer, I was sitting in the back seat of the car and OMG my ring has never been so sparkley!!! It was beautiful. The picture doesn't do it justice. I took this as a sign of a long, happy and healthy marriage. :)

Today after work, I was going to the gym. I was listening to the radio and my ring was all sparkley yet again. I said hi to him and kissed my ring (whatever, call me weird if you want. He probably will when he reads this) and then I changed the radio station. It was the very beginning of Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight song! It took me back to our Valentine's Day together in Cleveland and asking him what he thought our wedding song should be. For a few seconds, when I closed my eyes, I could actually picture him sitting in the car next to me, listening to this song with me.

This sorta reminded me of a memory of when he was home this last Christmas. We were standing in the kitchen, NOT engaged yet, and I said to him, "when we get married, how are you going to kiss me?" Then he took my face in my hands and gave me a really sweet gentle kiss on the lips. He's not one for full on PDA, and it was just perfect. I think I remember making him practice it a few more times, even though he hadn't even proposed yet. He's the best for going along with me when I asked him these kinds of questions while technically we were still dating!!!



P.S. My deployment donut officially says, "congratulations! you're over the hump!!" YESSSSS!!