As soon as it starts....

it's over.

I desperately want to go to bed right now. I'm so tired. We've been up since 3:45 AM.
But.
I desperately do not want to go bed right now. It's a cold (literal) reminder that I'm going to bed alone.

We didn't make the bed today before we left for the airport and now the bed is going to be extra cold with all the sheets all messed up and exposed. Plus, it's only 10 degrees outside right now and the windchill is 0 degrees. I'm already freezing cold and I just want a big warm hug from him. I've been wearing his slippers since I got home from work today. I picked up some of his random clothes that were thrown on the living room floor last night. I smelled them and they smelled like his Chanel Cologne and the cigar he smoked last night. I'm not washing them. (Yes, I'm a creeper, babe, and I'm going to sleep with them tonight). His shoes are still by the door. His razor blade on my purple razor is still on the counter. His sunglasses are still on the table. We still have alcohol on the counter. His jacket is still on the back of the chair.

We didn't really sleep well for the first few nights. It's weird adjusting to sleeping with someone after 10 months of sleeping with no one. During our separation, I got used to sleeping alone, so I'd wake up sweating from him curled around me in the middle of the night. I got used to his warmth very quickly though, and now he's gone again. Already. I love R&R because it helps to break up a long deployment. I dislike R&R because two weeks is just not enough. Is it spring time yet? Is this deployment over yet? I've been so over it for a while now, not going to lie.

I somehow managed to go to a 4 hour training today at work. I don't have any idea what took place, what we talked about or what was asked. I was busy tracking his flight the whole way to ATL, and then texting him when he landed. I left the training a few times and we talked on the phone. I got caught up on emails and phone calls for the last few days but was not successful training wise. Someone at work said to me, "we all appreciate what you're doing." WTF does that mean? They're happy it's me going through this and not them? Maybe it was meant to be a compliment. I really don't know. I didn't take it as one though.

I want to go to bed but I don't. Maybe I'll go play the Wii he bought us. It's sort of boring play by myself though. Maybe I'll go to bed and enjoy a new book on my Kindle he got me as a Christmas present. Cold. Alone. Bed. Neither option sounds really fun.

I love you babe. Come home soon. I miss you already.