My night* has been decent, to be honest, but that's not the point of this blog.
Seth called me last night to let me know he made it to stop number 1.
When he leaves, it's weird. Duh, right? I'm the one that shows my emotions big time prior to him leaving...making a scene crying, big, red puffy eyes and nose. You can tell I'm sad. He will get a little emotional, but he conceals it much MUCH better than me. I spend a few days crying off and on at random times, during random things. When he first began his journey home, we were texting during his layovers. He told me a few times that he loves me so much, he can't put it into words. He said that he hates doing this to me, making me feel the way I do when he leaves, and I know when I cry, it makes it that much harder for him to leave. I seriously cannot help it. I try hard to not cry...I even tell him, "look, I'm not crying! no tears right now!" And I'm genuinely proud of myself. But when they hit, they hit hard and I can't stop them. I feel bad for making him feel bad for leaving, and I know he doesn't have a choice. I know in a few days, I'll be coping with it better and I'll get into my routine. When we talked on the phone yesterday, he said how much he misses me. He whispered it though. He didn't want the other soldiers around him to hear. He told me that I make his heart grow soft :) Excuse me while I cry right now while thinking of that. He said he listened to two songs when he got on the plane. I told him I knew what songs he listened to: Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton and Dear God by Avenged Sevenfold, which is our deployment song. Those are our two songs. I listened to the Dear God song too (I don’t have the Wonderful Tonight in my car).
I guess the weird part to me is that I show my emotions leading up to the days and the day of departure, and he shows his in the days after he leaves. It’s not a bad thing that he doesn’t show them as he’s leaving, it’s just different than how I show mine. It’s been like this between us since we had our first “see you later.” Once we have our last hug, I’m in full on mode of him getting home safely and doing whatever I can to make it easier on him. It’s not any easier one way or the other, departures suck in general, we just show our emotions at different times.
*I started this on Sunday night, but have been working on it since then.