Hot, hot, hot

I always check the local weather where my soldier is at. It's been in the 100's lately, up to 105, and today when I looked, the 5 day forecast does not look pleasant:

I can't/won't complain about the 93 degree heat wave we're having here. I am pretty sure we have more humidity than where he's at, but still, I am sitting in air conditioning and I don't have to wear a full uniform, boots and a hat. I wish I could cool it down for him. He hates weather like this. He has air conditioning in his tent, but it's just too hot that it doesn't really make a difference. Poor guy :(

On a happier note, my deployment donut is coming along nicely. It is officially past 26%!! Woo hoo!!!

Heartbreak Warfare

You know how when you hear a certain song or smell a certain smell, it takes you back to a certain place and time and memory? I absolutely love love love moments when this happens.

I just heard John Mayer’s Heartbreak Warfare song and it took me back to March 9, 2010, sitting on the Northwest airplane in Frankfurt, Germany. We had just had our “good bye” in person, and I was getting settled into my seat. They had Northwest Radio playing, and this is one of the songs that was playing. Ironic that the title of the song is “heartbreak warfare,” as I had just said goodbye to the love of my life, my heart was breaking (it was literally hurting), and he was getting ready to go off to war in less than a month. I pulled out my vacation journal to write in it, and guess who had wrote me a sweet little message, unbeknownst to me. I don't know how he does it, but he's really good like that. So there I was, bawling my eyes out on the plane, reading what he wrote me, listening to Heartbreak Warfare.

The actual lyrics don’t pertain to our situation, but the title of it surely does.

It’s just one of those songs that no matter where I’m at, or what I’m doing, when I hear it, I will think of that one day.

The Positives That Come From A Deployment

By my calculations, deployments 99% are not enjoyable, but there are a few good things to come out of that 1%. I probably more focus on the bad part of a deployment (along with everyone else), because there are many more negatives than positives. But, in an attempt to put a positive spin having your spouse away for up to 12 months (or more) from you, here is a small list of the positive things (for me, at least) to come from a deployment:

• You don't have to shave your legs daily. Or your armpits. Or you bikini area. Fuck it, no one is seeing it but you, so who cares.


• You learn how to be more independent.


• You appreciate the little things in life.


• You don't take people for granted.


• You can do what you want, when you want, such as eating ice cream for breakfast, luch and dinner and dessert. (This is actually more of a negative, because you'd rather do even the mundane things with your spouse, but again, I'm trying to be positive here, and it's my list, so I'm putting it on the positive list. Deal!!)


• You learn how to open apple sauce jars. Ok, this one is pretty specific to me, but no matter how hard I try, I can NEVER open an apple sauce jar. It takes me approximately 3 days of trying, and loosening up the lid, me yelling at the apple sauce to just fucking open, and approximately 3 days of useless sentences in emails to Seth about how I still can't open the stupid apple sauce jar. Ohhh how I sooooo wish he were here to open it for me. Is that too much to ask for? I guarantee he could open it in like 2 seconds flat. Me? No, it takes like 5 minutes of trying over the span of 3 days and then hopefully on the 3rd day I'll get lucky. (And by this time, the apple sauce doesn't even taste as good as it was sounding 3 days before). Geeeez.


• Making care packages. This is by far my favorite thing a deployment brings (actually, it ties with not having to shave). I love buying him things and writing him love notes, and mailing it off to him. Anything I can do to help him out over there, and to show him I love him and I'm thinking about him, I am sooo willing to do.


• Fantasizing about, planning and experiencing the reunions and homecomings!! Falling in love all over again and kissing them like you've never kissed them before. The HUGS that come after a long time apart. It's the best feeling ever!


• The enormous amount of pride I have when I tell someone where my fiance is. I don't like that he is there, but I am sooo proud of him, and what he's doing, and I like having the chance to tell people how proud I am of him. I try to say it with a smile on my face.


• The stronger we become as a couple.


• You learn patience...patience with communication (or lack there of), patience with the military in general, patience with each other.

That's all I can think of right now.

Waiting and waiting....

It's approximately 11:53 AM right now and I should be getting my weekly call within 2 hours. I give myself until about 2 PM on Sundays to wait for his call and during that time, I limit my activities. I don't want to put myself in a position of no cell phone service and therefore miss his call. So I wait; sometimes I do a little work out, sometimes I do laundry, sometimes I clean, sometimes I shower (sometimes I don't), sometimes I go grocery shopping early in the morning when I know the probability of him calling is slim to none. However, the last few weeks, he has been calling a little closer to noon than 1:30, so I don't know what to expect today.

But this morning, I've been still catching up on her blog. I didn't let myself read it yesterday because I didn't want to be crying and show up to the BBQ having to explain my puffy eyes and red nose. They wouldn't understand anyways. So I just didn't read it. However, I did read one post last night before I went to bed, but then I caught up on the rest this morning. On Friday night, I left off prior to her March postings, because March was the month of the "accident," as she calls it. This morning I read her March and April postings though. I've been crying and I have a bright red nose and puffy eyes. Cool. I've stopped reading now though, because I know my love will be able to hear it in my voice that I've been crying, from even some 6,000 or 7,000 miles away and he'll ask me why I've been crying. (And when I try to lie and tell him I haven't been crying, he'll tell me to not lie to him and to just tell him why. Damn, he's good.) I don't want to explain it to him either, I don't think it's a good idea for me to talk about other fallen soldiers when he himself is deployed, and in an active war zone. So, the more time I have of getting back my normal, non-crying voice, the better it is for both of us.

The BBQ was fun last night. Of course, it would have been 23020839 times more fun if he were there with me, but I digress. Such is life, and we all make sacrifices. I made a raspberry pretzel jello-y salad, which is always a hit. I reversed the middle and top layer though, and I put the white layer on top, and then made it into a pretty flag pattern. I was so friggin' excited to show it off, but I didn't have the heart to cut into it myself. So I made someone else do it. It was just too pretty. Now, I know it doesn't have the 50 blueberry stars, and the 7 raspberry red stripes, but I was limited on space, so I had to work with what I could. Please don't find this offensive. We had a little bit of fire works, rode the quads, hung out, and then had a bonfire and made s'mores. My mom found some extra huge marshmallows, seriously like 3 times bigger than regular big marshmallows. I was playing "chubby bunnies" with my friend, and I was determined to fit 2 in my mouth. I had a hard enough time fitting one in my mouth, but I was determined. My mom was taking pictures of us playing "chubby bunnies" and she made the comment, something along the lines of, "no wonder he is marrying her! she can fit so much into her mouth!!!" Thanks, mom, for declaring that in front of like 8 people. It's not like I was deep throating them, I was just stuffing them into my cheeks. Funny thing is, though, when I was stuffing them in, I wanted to fit 2 in there to make him proud. haha I just wasn't going to share that with the whole group!

Here's my dessert!!! (I guess looking at this picture, I need to work on straightening my stripes. There's always next time....)


After our phone call, my only plans for the day involve going to the pool and working on my tan. It's supposed to be hella nice today and I'm excited to do nothing. Again, I really wish he were here to do nothing with me, but I shall digress. Again. I'm missing him extra lots right now.

Oh, and sorry for all the misspellings and incorrect grammar in my last post; as I said in it, I was in the back of my parents car on my cell phone and it was a bumpy road and my fingers were flying all over my tiny keyboard and well, I was mad.

12:21 and BAM GUESS WHO IS CALLING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow, I'm good!!!! Talking to him now and my voice isn't cry-y!!!

i'm mad

I'm mad today. I packaged up a care package, actually 2 last night. Today I went to the post office to mail it this morning and sure enough the post office closed early because its a holdiday weekend. I got there at exactly 12:04. So now I have to wait until tuesday to send it out. What sucks even more is that my friend amy and I have coordinating packages for the guys. Her hubs adked if we could get them a percolator coffee maker so she asked I'd get the coffee and some travel mugs for them. We planned to send them at the same time in hopes that they'd get there at the same time (I know hopeful thinking), and she mailed out the coffee maker today and the damn post office was closed so I cvant send them the coffee they need. Ugghhhhh can't the postal workers work for 5 extra minutes so I could mail it out to freaking The Stan. Its already takes 2 weeks to get there. SHhhheeeshhhhh

In other happier news, I got a wake up call from my lover today! It was great and I was totally out and I needed to be up. He wanted to tell me he got the 4th box from a group of students who donated it.he hasn't called to wake me up on a weekend morning since he deployed so it was a nice surprise to hear his voice first thing.

Nowim off to a bbq for the day and I'm blogging from the back of my parents car. I'm already addicted to blogging.

Happy 3rd of july!

Ok, so.....

I've been completely obsessed with this one blog. I discovered it today and I won't admit to how many hours I've devoted to reading tonight, and catching up on her life story since she started her blog. It's from a fellow military spouse, and she's so real, and so honest, and funny, and unfortunately her husband was killed in Afghanistan just a few short months ago. I can't imagine what she's going through, but my heart goes out to her and her newborn daughter. I started reading her most recent posts, and then realized I needed to know the rest of her story, so I went to her very first post and I've been addicted. Does that make me sound like a creep? Oh well.

I'm still fairly new to this milspouse business and the military in general, and I've not "known" someone who has had a loved one killed in action. Needless to say, it's got me a bit freaked out. I can't help thinking of the worst possible things right now. These thoughts can literally consume you. Honestly. I KNOW he's in the military and he's currently deployed and I KNOW what could happen to him, but I can't let myself think like that the whole time he's deployed. I think I do a fairly good job of thinking positive, but right now, after reading that, it's sorta hard. I know I probably shouldn't read stuff like this right now, or read news articles about things going on where my soldier is at, but I can't help it. They have for the majority of my evening. If I hear the town where he's at in the news, I have to read the article or stop what I'm doing and watch the news clip. If I don't know where the town is compared to where my soldier is at, I have to look it up on Google Earth. I've cried at the majority of her posts, just insanely sad for her loss, and sad for the loss of the dad of their child she gave birth to while he was deployed and he never had a chance to meet. It breaks my heart to think about that.

On a related note, in between catching up on her life story, I made a care package for my love. I got him some boxers (what guy doesn't need some new ones once in a while?) and he said he loved them and asked if I could get him more. So off I went to get him some more. I even go as far as to wash them up, and put them in a ziplock baggy so they are fresh with the smell of laundry detergent from home. I also had a free $15 coupon at Banana Republic, his all time favorite store, and boxers there are $16 for one pair. Pretty expensive in our books, so he's never had a pair. So I got him a pair. He'll have the most stylish boxers under his (sexy) ACU's. And let me just add that I cannot begin to explain how excited I am to rip those boxers off of him. Well, I won't literally be ripping them off of him, because even though I technically spent about $1 on them, they still cost $16 and no way am I about to rip those. I also got him a magazine, lots of coffee, some peanuts, a few travel mugs, and a few handwritten letters. I also included a new installation of our newlywed game show questions, and I can't wait to see his answers this time. God I love him.

Who am I?!?

I figure I should reveal a little about myself so you can know who you’re dealing with. Not that we’re really “dealing” with each other, but you know, a little history of who writes this sometimes crazy crap.


In no particular order…(except the first bulleted item on the "I love" list...loving him is better than all the other "loves" put together).

I love:

• My soldier :)
• The Army
• Shopping, specifically for shoes
• Planning our amazing wedding
• Traveling, specifically to Germany and Alaska
• Foreign cars (for the record, just because I prefer foreign cars and feel they are built better than American cars, this does not make me any less “American” than people that only buy American cars. I’m sorry that certain American cars don’t run nearly as long as foreign cars; furthermore, I’m sorry you’ve not realized this and you’ll probably go through 2-3 American cars before I get my second foreign car).
• Baking
• Computers
• Texting
• Coloring Easter eggs
• iTunes radio
• Making care packages
• Countdowns
• Family
• Writing queries (most of the time)
• Pun jokes!
• Phone calls from my future husband that wake me up on weekend mornings when we’re apart
• Target
• Organization and order
• Working out (except when a deployment first starts, then I don’t love this, but I eventually get back into my routine)
• Camping and being outdoors
• The Newlywed Game Show with Carnie Wilson
• Reading other blogs
• Cold coffee
• Whales
• Taking pictures
• Baby marine animals
• Holidays
• Long island iced tea

I Dislike:

• Deployments
• The current economy
• The Army – yes, this is on both the love/dislike list.
• Planning our wedding….all by myself.
• When it’s barely raining and windshield wipers are on full speed
• That I’m really good at procrastination
• When you’re in the car with someone and all they do is talk on their cell phones. Or more importantly, when they YELL on their cell phone no matter where they are at
• Annoying ring tones
• Spiders and bugs
• Cupboard doors left open
  Dirty windows (yes, this includes dirty glasses, the kind that give me 4 eyes…the kind I wear on my face)
• Dirty mirrors
• The oil spill in the Gulf
• Being apart, on the military’s time schedule, not our own
• People who are younger than me and feel like they can tell me what to do
• Self absorbed people
• That I swear so much
• Holidays that we are forced to spend apart, courtesy of the Army
• Construction that is currently taking place at work and vibrating steamrollers

I can’t wait to:

• Get married to the love of my life! Only one year and 14 days to go!!!
• Go back “home” to Germany and welcome my soldier “home” after a long 12 months in The ‘Stan
• Experience military life to the fullest. As of right now, I’ll say I’m excited for our first PCS. Disclaimer: that excitement will probably fade once he gets our orders and we dislike our new duty station. But for now, I am excited
• Have little babies with my soon to be husband. He will be the best daddy ever and I can’t wait!!
• Grow old with him
• Finish planning our wedding and see the final outcome
• Hear the news that my soldier has been promoted. It will be next month or the following month
• Spend our first 4th of July together and watch fireworks. On the beach. Eventually with our kids. (This is still a good 2 years away).

According to my soon to be husband, these are just a few of the reasons he wants to marry me:

• I’m funny and nice
• I’m quirky, like him
• We have similar life plans, such as kids and goals
• I have nice boobs
• He loves being with me, even when doing nothing in particular
• I like doing outside stuff, going camping, going boating, canoeing
• I’m not a bitch, and I never will be
• I’m a genuine, good person
• I like to snuggle up at night with a glass of wine and watch a movie (a.k.a. sleep) on the couch
• I like to dream of the future…with him
• I’ll be a good mom