Taking chances

I love Seth for many many reasons, but one of the big reasons is because he pushes me beyond my comfort zone. I'm a big scardy cat and don't really like doing new and scary things, but he's a little dare devil and he'll try anything, and he encourages me to do the same. I know I'll usually like it after I try it, but I just have a hard time getting myself to actually try it.

Today was one of those days :)

Whoops

Ok, I made a mistake in my blog. I typed one up a few days ago (about how Seth proposed!) and accidentally posted it on 7/22, but it was supposed to be posted today. I un-posted it for that date, or so I thought, and I re-posted it today, but it's really under 7/22's date. So, that's lame. I could delete it and re-do it, I suppose, but there are lots of pictures, and I'm finding that pictures are difficult to arrange because, well, it just is.

So here's a link to that post, which is supposed to be posted on todays date. Pretend that I did it right the first time. I'm still semi-new to all this and Blogger was being a bitch that day.

Babysitting a kitty

My mom asked if I could “babysit” their new kitty this weekend. At my apartment. By myself. Me alone with a cat for 2 whole days. YIKES! They are going camping and she said Pancake (yeah, that’s the kitty’s name) is too young to stay alone for 2 whole days. Background: I have a slightly irrational fear of cat claws…it’s only slightly irrational because some cats are nice and don’t use their claws, while other cats claw at me any chance they get (like previous family pets we’ve had). I think all cats will claw me to death. I’m mostly afraid (or hate) when I’m under a blanket and I move my feet and the cat sneak attacks me. I hate that. But this new little kitty of theirs will pounce on my feet, but she doesn’t really put her claws out. She’s sneak attacked my feet once, and my parents assure me that she’s done it to them many times and she has never used her claws in the sneak attacks.

Below are the email exchanges between me and my mom regarding this babysitting task of a 2 month old kitty.

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From: Me

To: My mom

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 9:16 AM

I accept the challenge of babysitting Pancake this weekend. Please be sure to bring her toys with her so I can tire her little kitty self out and then I’ll be sure to have my own good sleep that night, and not worry about her attacking my feet. Otherwise, I’ll need you to buy me some bed stilt things, so I can put my bed up an additional 5 inches to make sure she can't jump up and get my feet! I love Pancake and all, but I have to be sure I get my beauty sleep too. Are you going to be OK with not being with her for at least 24 hours? Is this a 2 night sleep over, or is it just one night? If she scratches me, what do I do? What if she gets home sick and misses you? What if she poops or pees on my floor? What if she happens to decide to run out my front door? Do I have to give her a bath? Oh God, this is becoming overwhelming just thinking about it.

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From: My mom

To: Me

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 9:34 AM

This would probably be a two night babysitting for no fee job. We will probably go Fri and Sat nights, but I also have a retirement thing to go to sometime this weekend, so we may cut the trip short, depending on when that is. I still have to check into that. But, as far as all the other overwhelming things you have brought up, you will have to deal with them when and if they come up. She is your littlest sister, and I think you two should spend this time together. She hasn't even realized what the doors are for yet. She will enjoy lying in the sun by your closed balcony door. She will pack all of her toys, so as to expend all extra energy there. We will re-clip her nails, so that problem will be minimized. She may choose to poop and pee on your floor, but I will send some extra clothes (a diaper bag, if you will) and some vinegar in a spray bottle to clean it up with. Just blot up the urine with a paper towel, then spray lightly with the vinegar, and reblot with the clean rag, and you should be good. She hasn't had an accident here in the last 2-3 days, so I think the worst is behind her...no pun intended. As for stiliting your bed, it seems like this may just be a ploy to draw attention to yourself. She also requires mass amounts of beauty sleep, and this is why she is so damn cute! she does respond to a stern NO, and when she gets rambunctious, I put her down and let her know that she can't play rough when it’s time to be affectionate. Then, I will usually give her a long play session and then hold her when she is tired out. It's a pretty simple routine: play, eat, sleep, play eat, sleep, etc.
I think you can manage if you really set your mind to this.

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I’m nervous about my first nights alone with a kitty. I probably sound ridiculous right now. It’s just the cat claws that scare me. Who thinks I’m over-reacting? Am I being too dramatic?

But look at how adorable her little face is!!!!

(Her first piece of cheese!)

Getting Orders

You know how certain events on certain days you’ll never forget? December 11th, 2009 was one of those days.

It’s been exactly 8 months since Seth got orders to deploy. When he went to Germany, he was told his unit wasn’t deployable until after he was done in Germany. Of course I knew there was always the chance that this was likely to change, but I suppose I was in denial that he’d have to deploy yet again. (For the record, he wanted to deploy and he was sad when he learned that he likely wasn't going to deploy again). Thanks to Obama's surge in Afghanistan to send in 30,000 additional troops, Seth was one of the "lucky" ones....and I use that term very sarcastically.

He was coming home for leave in just a few days. We weren’t even engaged yet, yet we had already talked about getting married THIS summer, summer 2010. Thanks to his orders, that all changed.

It was December 11th, 2009, and I had just gotten to work. He usually called me around mid-morning when he got off of work, but this time, he called me at about 7:55 AM. I thought it was odd that he was calling so early. We said our hello’s, and this is how the conversation went:

Seth: are you sitting down?
Me: yeah, why?
Seth: just wondering. What are you doing?
Me: Just getting started on work. You’re calling early.
Seth: I have something to tell you.
Me: When are you deploying?
Seth: early spring time.

Somehow I just knew it was a deployment. It was the tone of his voice and how he was saying what he was saying. I could tell he didn’t really want to tell me, he knew I wouldn’t be too happy about it. I’ve always appreciated the fact that when he has not so great news for me, he just tells me. He doesn’t sugar coat it, he doesn’t beat around the bush, he just tells me. He could have waited a full 5 days to tell me in person, when he was home. But he chose to tell me over the phone. He knows I'm not a big fan of surprises (even though he LOVES surprising me) and this wasn't going to be a good surprise for me. I prefer to know things right away, especially something like this, so I can have more time to think about it and how much different things will be for me, for us. I’m glad he told me when he did. If he would have waited to tell me when he was home, and we were together, I’m guessing I would have been in a grumpy mood. To be honest, I think it would have put a damper on our holidays. My holidays, at least. At least when he told me, I had a few days to digest it and we were able to talk about it and it sank in (although it never REALLY sinks in until he actually deploys). When he was home, I tried not to dwell on it too much, but I couldn’t help but to think, “savor the holidays together, because it’ll be 2 years till we’re together for the holiday’s together again.” Everything we did, I thought, “I won’t get to do this with him next Christmas.” As much as we probably should have talked about the deployment, we didn’t. I didn’t want to be all sad about it; I wanted to have happy holiday memories with him and our families.

Honestly, prior to the conversation, we hadn't really talked about him deploying again in the recent months. If it was mentioned, it was that he wanted to deploy again but that wasn't likely for his unit. Matter of fact, the weekend before he got his orders, my mom had asked me if Obama’s surge had impacted (of would be impacting) Seth at all. I told her no, not that we’d heard of…yet.

This deployment was going to be different for me from the last one. We are engaged, and that played a big part of it. Also, it was the first whole one I'd have to go through...beginning to end. A full year. A lot happens in a whole year: four seasons, multiple holidays, another school year (for me), a deployment (for him), both of our birthdays. At least last deployment we met half way through, and he was settled into where he was going to be for the rest of the deployment. Communication was regular: phone calls, emails and IM'ing every single day. It was great. I think that deployment was a spoiler big time. The unknown of this one, the location where he was going, and the lack of communication and “amenities” (again, that term is used lightly) he was warned about, his job duties….they were not settling well with me. I was an emotional wreck leading up to the day he deployed. Hell, I was worse of an emotional wreck after he deployed.

This deployment HAS been different. It’s been rough. Rougher than I ever could have imagined. It started out really bad for me. We’re used to being physically apart – it doesn’t make it easier, but we’re used to it. What we’re not used to is the lack of phone calls and being able to talk. We would talk 3 or 4 times per day. On the weekends, we’d talk for a few hours sometimes (thank God for unlimited weekend cell phone use). Sometimes he’d go away for a training for a few days and the communication would be limited, but it was always a pretty short amount of time and the end of it was in sight, so I was OK for not talking to him for a day or two or three. This time, it sucked. We’d go for multiple days without talking. I couldn’t get my phone card to work, so I’d have to wait patiently for him to call me. He was always faithful in calling me within a 2 hour time period on Sundays. That was our one big conversation for the week. I was lucky to get an email or two throughout the week but they were pretty s hort. I was always appreciative when he called me. Occasionally we’d send a text message here or there. But to hear his voice only once a week sucked so hardcore. It was not pleasant. I wish I could say I was the strong girl who made it through easily. But I would totally be lying. I cried myself to sleep frequently, and I really think I went through a mini-depressive state. I pretty much hated everything, everyone pissed me off, and I didn’t do anything fun. I’d go home after work and just do nothing. I didn’t go to the gym, I didn’t go out, I did nothing except watch TV. I really thought I was going crazy. I'm surprised I never snapped. I really felt like I was close. I came close to making an appointment with a crazy doctor. I cried each and every time our phone call was about to end...and then I cried after we hung up. I didn’t like crying and he didn’t like me crying, but I couldn’t help it. The thought of not talking to him for another 7 days killed me. It was like this for a good month or so. I’ve never really admitted that to anyone, not even to Seth (perhaps he had an assumption, but I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want him to have to worry about me), but here it is in the blog world. For whatever reason, I really don’t know, I just snapped out of it. Honestly, I don’t know what it was. There wasn’t a defining moment, it just happened. I started going to the gym again, going out, laughing, and being myself again. It’s been much better since then. I don’t cry on the phone each time anymore, and actually I don’t know when the last time I cried was. I still miss him all the time, and I talk to his pictures, and we have a new phone routine: I call him on Wednesdays and he still calls me on Sundays, and we email each day and we chat on gmail each day. It’s been great.

Anyways, I don’t really know where I was going with this post, but I'm sure I veered off topic. I think my original intent was to blog about the feelings of him getting orders, but then I veered off into my emotions and how I was coping and all that. Sorry it ended up so long. Basically, hearing he got orders is a huge range of emotions and him actually deploying is an even bigger range of emotions, none of which were pleasant for me. I expected this, but I didn’t expect the extent of this. I tired to mentally prepare myself for the lack of communication and I totally failed. Nothing can prepare you enough for the feelings you'll feel when the love of your life deploys. Nothing.

According to Astrocenter....

My horoscope for today is:

Romance and sex are very much on your mind today, Stacy. If you're presently involved, you'll probably not be able to get together with your loved one right now, but if you keep trying, you'll probably reach your friend. If you aren't involved, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself. It won't do you any good. Concentrate on creative projects instead. And don't be surprised if your work reflects a little anger.

How so very true the first two sentences are. By “right now,” my horoscope clearly means that I won’t be able to get together with my love in the next few months even.

36 Things Every (single) Girl Must Do Before She Settles Down

I saw this article on MSN today and it’s an excerpt from Glamour Magazine. It’s titled 36 Things Every Single Girl Must Do Before She Settles Down.

Although I’m not “single” by the definition in this article, I’m single in the aspect that Seth is deployed and I spend most of my time alone.

Here’s the list and I’ll work on some of these during the rest of this deployment. Some of these I really can’t do because they involve dating…and well I’m not THAT single. Nor do I want to be.

To Build Your Confidence…
1. Go to a movie alone. (I’ve never done this… too shy, but maybe now is the time. Hello massive tearjerker movie!)
2. Lift weights. When I bench-press 45 lbs., I feel like the bomb. (CHECK! Although I’m not at 45 lbs, I can do at least 23 and I’m working my way up one pound at a time).
3. Try surfing, water-skiing, or some activity you don't already know how to do. Could be riding a bicycle. (I’ve never been into water sports, I don’t even like jumping off a diving board or off the side of the pool really. I will commit to working on that, but don’t count on me surfing or water skiing…and I do ride my bike regularly. Any other ideas? I'll think of something).
4. Take out the trash, set a mousetrap, do your taxes, build a bookcase. (Check! I’ll call maintenance. Already do. I’ll build a pretty box for our wedding cards…I’ve been thinking about this already).
5. Live alone, or at least move apartments in NYC without the help of family. (I already live alone. I’m not moving until we’re married and I move to go be wherever Seth is at).
6. Train for (and finish) a huge physical test like a half-marathon. (This sounds like a big undertaking. How about I commit to losing 15 pounds and we call it even? Deal).
7. Go to a scary doctor's appointment by yourself. I once dragged myself to a CAT Scan in the dead of winter, all the way over on 1st Ave., post-break-up. I felt like I was made of steel. (Check…multiple times. However, whenever I get pregnant, we’ll revisit this one).
8. Quit your job. It feels so good to take a job and shove it (and not be affecting anyone else's livelihood). (Can’t do this, don’t want to do this. Financially, I can’t and I mostly like my job. I’ll be doing it soon enough though, after we’re married. Let’s put this on hold for a year).
9. Fly to a foreign country by yourself. I was nervous on my first solo trip to Europe, even though I almost always have to travel alone. (I’ve done this. Of course, Seth was on the receiving end and I was going to visit him in Germany, but I still flew across the Atlantic Ocean by myself. I’ll be doing this again next spring when I go back to Germany for his homecoming. Then I’ll be finding my way to his town all by myself, which includes train travel. This will be accomplished).
10. Learn to stand up for yourself. (If you're not naturally assertive, may I recommend moving to New York City? It did wonders for me.) (Hmmm, I’ve done this before. I’ll try it some more though).
To Be Able to Look Back and Say "I Had Fun"…
11. Witness something once-in-a-lifetime, like Jokulsarlon, a lake next to a melting glacier in Iceland (see photo). (I’ve been to Alaska twice and saw glaciers and whales! I’m waiting to go again with Seth. We’ve been to a castle and a concentration camp in Germany together. I’m choosing to postpone more fun experiences until we can do them together, because I’d so much rather do them with him).
12. Revel in being able to watch all the reality TV you want. I'm pretty sure no man will be able to stand as much Bravo TV as my roommate Erica. (Ohhhhh, trust me, I already do!! Bekah and I have The Hills and The City marathons).
13. Get drunk during the day, just because you can. Attend Santacon, the convention for Santas, or something similar. (I’ll get drunk this Saturday during the day, just because I can and this list suggests it. Instead of a Santa convention, I’ll go to Amish country for the day and live like the Amish).
14. Go on a date with someone who actually makes you nervous. I can’t/don’t want to go on a date with someone other than Seth. However, I will be somewhat nervous going on our first date after he gets back, after not seeing each other for ohhhh, say like 9-10 months. So, this too is postponed until he’s back).
15. Go out with an older man who takes you somewhere nice and makes you feel like a million bucks. (I can’t/don’t want to do do this except with Seth. He is a year older and w’ll do it when he’s on leave and I imagine we’ll both get dressed up real nice and go to a fancy place and he’ll make me feel like a million bucks. Another postponed one until we’re together).
16. Go out with a guy who makes you laugh ‘til it hurts. (Done. Doing it now. Even though we’re half a world apart, he still makes me laugh. On the phone, in emails, on instant messenger, hopefully on a wecam soon. This too will be done in person when he’s home).
To Get Perspective…
17. Be a good wingwoman. It's not always about you. (Actually it is all about me, but I’ll work on my wingwoman status).
18. Chill with your widowed and single grandma. She knows "alone"! (I have one grandma left and she’s in Oregon. I have another 'adopted' nana though that I can do this with, and we have something planned later this summer…wedding shopping!)
19. Volunteer. (Ok. I really should be doing more of this. I have no excuse).
To Make You Appreciate the Next Guy…
20. Do at least one Valentine's Day alone. (Done and done. This year and next).
21. Attend a wedding (or 15) alone. (I’m not invited to any weddings in the next few months, but if I am, rest assured I will go…alone).
22. Date the creeps. You'll really value the nice guys afterward. (No thanks. Never been a fan of the creeps. I have a perfectly good guy who I am waiting patiently for, thankyouverymuch).
To Make You Feel Sexy and Attractive…
23. Buy yourself some flowers. (Already do…at the farmers market).
24. Invest in a LBD (little black dress) and some sexy stilettos. (Ok…it’s about time I do this. I already know what shoes I want! . I don’t like martini’s and I don’t go to bars by myself. This might be difficult).
26. Buy something frivolous and expensive that you LOVE wearing. (I will do this in a few weeks. I’ll be buying my wedding shoes for $298. Eeek!!! That’s a lot for shoes, but holy crap they are cute as hell!!! See?)
To Make the Most of Your Free Time…
27. Finish all your schooling if you can. Not that it was ever my goal to go to grad school, but I did, and it would've been tough dragging a guy up to isolated New Hampshire and making him sit there in the cold for two years while I studied (and partied). (I should start taking a class again. I’ll look into it. I promise).
28. Throw yourself into something time-consuming, like learning a foreign language. You may not have time to do this again until you retire and the kids are off to college. (How about planning a wedding? I think this will suffice!)
To Make Yourself a Better Partner in the Future…
29. Make a list of all your faults. (Yikes, this doesn’t sound fun. I’ll do it. Maybe I’ll get the nerve to post it).
30. Learn to cook well. (I'm still working on this. This is a constant work in progress).
31. Get some hobbies. Something's gotta keep you occupied—plus it'll make you seem interesting. (I have hobbies, but I could use more. I’ll google “hobbies” and see what it suggests).
32. Let your married friends edit your online dating profile. My dear friend Cheryl has caught a few doozies. (I don’t have nor do I need an online dating profile).
33. Get your finances in order. (This too is a current work in progress).
To Appreciate Being Single…
34. Babysit someone's baby for an hour. (Done. I do this frequently).
35. Help a friend through her divorce or a bad break-up. (Current work in progress)
36. Host a girls-only night. I think some coupled-up women forget how much we need each other. (Ok).

So in summary, lots of these I've already done. Also, some of them really are for the truly sing girls. I'll work on the rest though. And sorry this turned into such a long post. Damn, that was not my intent.

The Birds and The Bees

I seem to always have animals and bugs create their home in really random places.

Such as:

The beehive I have constantly growing in a gourd that is supposed to be a bird house. It was a Christmas present from my sister.

And how about the family of birds I have that have been living in my dryer vent? I hear their little feets scratching the dryer vent. Seth told me I need to have the maintenance people remove it before the dryer stuff can't get out and I catch the whole apartment building on fire:

And last but certainly not least, hows about the bird that has built a complete nest in the BBQ? This picture is actually from last summer, but a bird (possibly the same one, I'm not sure) started to build a nest again this summer. I stopped it before it got to this extent:

I also have a wasp or bees nest in one of the pipes in the BBQ. Unfortunately, I can't get a picture of this or else I'll be risking getting stung. I did get stung from this nest last summer.

I'm too scared to remove the beehive from the gourd. Seth told me I should just use a spray can of bee killer stuff and spray it, but since I'm a scardy cat, and I live on the second story, I'm afraid if I spray them, they will chase me and I won't have a place to go (except inside, in which case they will likely follow me and then I'll be stuck). I wish he were home so he could take care of these kinds of things. Ahhhhhhhh!!!