Ugh. Again?

Seth came home from work the other day and this is how the conversation went:

He walks in the door and the dogs get OMG so excited, like they haven't seen him in years. Patrick whines out of excitement, Woody jumps up and gets yelled at because he's big and shouldn't be jumping but can't help it because he loves Seth so much.

Seth: Damn, you would think they haven't seen me in years. It's only been since this morning!
Me: Yeah, wait till you deploy and you come home and they see you after not seeing you for so long!!!.
Seth: Speaking of deploying...

There's still a small possibility he won't deploy. But the odds are very very very small. We will hopefully find out this week whether he is or isn't.

Ugh. I don't like this. Not one bit. 

Wedding Wednesday

It’s 150 days away!! :)

I have a few things accomplished from my to-do list from last week:

• Fill in all the fun details in my wedding planner and organizer pink/white polka dot book!!
• Get a sample color green for our cake baker so she knows what color we need

Ok, I wish I would have gotten a little more than that done in the last week. Crap. But, I did make a lot of progress on our wedding website, but pictures have to be uploaded one at a time (after I spent a good 30 minutes picking out our 20 best pictures, I learned this when the page said it failed to upload the pictures). So that was really annoying and I was frustrated, so I stopped for the day and I’ve only managed to upload one other one since then. I have the rest of it mostly done, I just have to copy/paste the stuff onto the website. I worked on it/typed it all up a while ago, and put it all in a Word doc, because I was waiting to ask one of the girls if she’ll be a bridesmaid, so I’d say I’m like 90% done with this.

And about the flowers…Bekah and Laura were supposed to come over last night, but that didn’t work out. I was looking forward to it, and was semi-annoyed when they both cancelled. They both claim next week is better for them, so we’ll see. The flower shop is only open until 3 PM on week days, until noon on Saturday’s and it’s closed on Sundays. That severly limits when we can go, since we both work during the week, and it’s about an hour away. So that one will be an interesting trip to plan.

But, in my defense, my sister has been living with me for the past few weeks and I’ve not done a lot of the stuff I could normally accomplish because we’ve been hanging out and working on vajournals. She’ll be going back to Oregon in about 3 weeks and then I’ll be back into the swing of things.

It would be really convenient for Seth to be here right now so we could plan these things together. He would keep me on track and focused on getting this stuff done, and he would be able to help out. Instead, we have to email back and forth, which just delays things even more. (You would think that knowing that, that would get me in gear for getting things accomplished sooner rather than later. Unfortuatnely, that is not the case. I don't know what my problem is). TheKnot.com said we need to figure out our groomsmens’ tuxes this month, which is more of his part to coordinate, I think, but I'll be doing that too.

Is this deployment over yet?

i hate crying

I hate crying at work. And coworkers overhearing me crying at work.

I’m so over this deployment.

I don’t want to make a big decision right this very moment, I want to think about it.

But no, I can’t. Why? Because it’s the Army and they want their answer now.

I also hate that I’m about to start my period, which makes everything SO much worse. And the crying non-stoppable.

I also fucking hate that I spilled boiling water on my dumb hand this morning.

Is this all over yet?

As soon as it starts....

it's over.

I desperately want to go to bed right now. I'm so tired. We've been up since 3:45 AM.
But.
I desperately do not want to go bed right now. It's a cold (literal) reminder that I'm going to bed alone.

We didn't make the bed today before we left for the airport and now the bed is going to be extra cold with all the sheets all messed up and exposed. Plus, it's only 10 degrees outside right now and the windchill is 0 degrees. I'm already freezing cold and I just want a big warm hug from him. I've been wearing his slippers since I got home from work today. I picked up some of his random clothes that were thrown on the living room floor last night. I smelled them and they smelled like his Chanel Cologne and the cigar he smoked last night. I'm not washing them. (Yes, I'm a creeper, babe, and I'm going to sleep with them tonight). His shoes are still by the door. His razor blade on my purple razor is still on the counter. His sunglasses are still on the table. We still have alcohol on the counter. His jacket is still on the back of the chair.

We didn't really sleep well for the first few nights. It's weird adjusting to sleeping with someone after 10 months of sleeping with no one. During our separation, I got used to sleeping alone, so I'd wake up sweating from him curled around me in the middle of the night. I got used to his warmth very quickly though, and now he's gone again. Already. I love R&R because it helps to break up a long deployment. I dislike R&R because two weeks is just not enough. Is it spring time yet? Is this deployment over yet? I've been so over it for a while now, not going to lie.

I somehow managed to go to a 4 hour training today at work. I don't have any idea what took place, what we talked about or what was asked. I was busy tracking his flight the whole way to ATL, and then texting him when he landed. I left the training a few times and we talked on the phone. I got caught up on emails and phone calls for the last few days but was not successful training wise. Someone at work said to me, "we all appreciate what you're doing." WTF does that mean? They're happy it's me going through this and not them? Maybe it was meant to be a compliment. I really don't know. I didn't take it as one though.

I want to go to bed but I don't. Maybe I'll go play the Wii he bought us. It's sort of boring play by myself though. Maybe I'll go to bed and enjoy a new book on my Kindle he got me as a Christmas present. Cold. Alone. Bed. Neither option sounds really fun.

I love you babe. Come home soon. I miss you already.